For yourself, By yourself.

I wanted to write about books today. I was going to tell you how excited I am to be flying off to Zanzibar on Monday, how I can never travel without a book, how I spend majority of my flights reading, what books I enjoy and what I’m looking forward to reading next. I thought it would be a fun post but then I had a conversation with one of my best friends who made me shuffle my intentions. He told me that inspiring people with my blog was good for me as a person, and he’s glad I started this. So I thought, instead of writing about books I’d write something for you instead.

I must have mentioned before that I believe strongly that the universe aligns you with people, situations and things that match your energy vibrations. The first testament to this is when I was looking over my goals this week, I came across a couple of notes I had scribbled down. One said, “I’d like to see more vulnerability in the world.” The other said, “I want to help people overcome sadness. If I can get just one person to realise who they are, with no external influence, that would be perfect.” The second testament is, someone left a touching comment on my blog that spoke about the encouragement they receive from reading what I share. So from the conversation I had with my friend, coming across my notes and the comment on the blog, I thought what can I do to achieve even just a little bit of that today?

Like my friend said, this is good for me as a person, and it’s not an egotistical thing, it’s fulfilling. People are beginning to relate to what I’m sharing. I’ll admit it has made me a little weary of speaking from a position like I know it all, because I’m still learning self care. It’s one of the reasons I want to see more vulnerability in the world. We cower from vulnerability because of shame, which only stops us from accepting our whole self. When we feel ashamed, we fear that we are unworthy and no one will want us. I want less of this. Happiness can’t exist without vulnerability. I promised that person who left the incredibly touching comment, that I would think up a few tips and share them, so this is for you. Self care requires that you show up and believe in your ability to be great for yourself, by yourself. Healing starts with you. 

We’ve all struggled with something. It could be school, friendships, relationships, finances, anything. We’ve questioned, we’ve doubted, we’ve at one point felt as if we could never make it out of the holes we’ve dug deep. But for some, they do. They don’t stay in the ground, but travel back home, transformed. It’s because they free themselves. I learnt today that Buddhists have this amazing practice where during periods of acceptance or transformation, they write about their lives from the present back to the past, then when they’re done from the past to the present. It’s a process that takes up to a year. The idea is that sometimes we need to go back before we can move forward. And the only reason we’d need to do this is so we can accept everything that’s happened to us.

Nayyirah Waheed wrote two poems that remind me of this.

we write from the body. 

it remembers everything. 

and..

you must write yourself. 

before

you can write anything else. 

This is why I write. Writing informs us about ourselves. If you can write yourself, you will learn yourself and when you begin to write yourself, your body will remember everything. I don’t suggest you do it the way Buddhists do. But find a simpler method that works for you. You could scribble your list of mistakes on different pieces of paper, fold them up and as you place them in an ocean, burning pit or jar, forgive your self for each one. Go back and make peace with every mistake. I’m personally doing this with a jar. I think it’s important to free yourself from the decisions you’ve made in your past. Stop allowing them to consume you. Forgiving yourself is the quickest way to free yourself and that’s an easy way to transform your struggles. Forgiveness is one of the most important lessons for me, but I’ll share a couple more without going in to much detail. You can apply them to your life if you find that you relate to them. 

Because a lot of our struggles are mental, based on what we tell ourselves or choose to believe, stop romanticising suffering. You owe it to yourself. Cut out intolerable situations that make you feel less valued and more like an inconvenience. Set boundaries. This is so important. Accept that everything is a process. These have beginnings and endings. Be authentic in both your speech and actions. Trust yourself. What doesn’t feel right usually never is. Be patient, gentle and compassionate with yourself. There’s still a world inside of you for you to learn. Create time for yourself. Invest in yourself. Forget about validation. You’re responsible for yourself. Nobody else will fill you. Lastly, every thing is a choice. You’ll never leave where you are until you decide where you’d rather be. 

If this has helped just one person, then that would be perfect. 

7 thoughts on “For yourself, By yourself.

  1. Well Spoken Nokuthula. I was amazed to see your last week`s post because it was exactly my assemly presentation, which was aimed at not only year twelves in my school, but everyone present that Friday morning. I had the courage to do so because I too have had my own struggles and failures, which I had to iron out by writing clear goals for myself and not allowing anyone else to write my story for me. Your this week`s post is equally encouraging, because it is our past that makes up our present. In as much as I have come to make peace with myself, Your post has left me with something to think about…let`s say, food for thought on my part.

    Thanks for sharing.

  2. Trust yourself. What doesn’t feel right usually never is. <— this is so true! This post was very relevant and I love how you touched on the important of vulnerability, Brene Brown encourages this so much yet sometimes society tends to chastise you for it but I love how you say do it for yourself!

  3. You never cease to inspire. Your article made me to rediscover myself, know what I am capable of changing and how I can achieve that.Keep the ball rolling.

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