there’s a book called “Their Eyes Were Watching God” by Zora Neale Hurston that i haven’t had a chance to read it yet, but i bumped into a quote from it the other week that says, “there are years that ask questions, and years that answer.” immediately i knew this year answered. as we draw towards the new year, many of us are nostalgic. before we look forward to what we want to manifest in the new year, we tiptoe back and look at what we’ve managed to achieve, learn, failed and so on. this year was the year that answered for me because for a long time i’ve been asking myself why things don’t always work out how i’d like them to. why is it that i repeat the same patterns in love, in life or friendship? why does there feel like there’s usually chaos surrounding me?
i’ve read many tweets flooding my timeline expressing how this has been such a worthless year, which is fair enough, but i can’t help but brag that for me its been one of the better ones. i’ve always somewhat sat back and watched people take control of their lives by fulfilling their passions and chasing their dreams, which let me know that it was possible. but i never got around to doing so for myself. i wanted to receive without extending any effort. just passively find myself presently living in my dream. i wasn’t assertive when it came to manifesting my destiny or taking control of my life. part of the reason i was stuck was i was constantly playing in to roles i didn’t believe in.
but this year i’ve felt a peace i can’t describe and that’s what i’ve been most grateful for. it’s helped me own who i am, feel free with myself and opened up my creativity in ways i once dreamed of. there are still topics i’ve been reluctant to write about. especially heart break, because i would hate it if someone called me bitter, or how i haven’t spoken to my best friend in months, because i wouldn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. i know these are the important things we need to talk about, the things we need to share but most of us, including me, are reluctant to address these experiences because we’re afraid of vulnerability. but it would help to encourage each other to speak so we can all feel liberated. we need these stories, we need you.
i’m learning the importance of telling my story. i wake up filled with descriptions of me. that’s the journey of becoming in tune with myself that i’ve been able to recognise which parts of myself i’m giving away, when its more than I should and when its just enough. what’s odd is the beginning of a new year has never really meant much to me. my year has always started on my birthday. its how i track growth. i’m amazed by how much i have committed myself to myself since i turned 26. i’ve committed myself the ideas i want to put in place, especially creatively. for example, everything i wrote down from September is happening. something as small as that lets me know that i’m taking responsibility for my dreams and prioritising the work there is to do.
another question i’d often ask is, “why is it hard to accept people for who they are?” i’ve struggled with this and it made little to no sense to me. i’d always seen myself as an understanding person, so why the difficulty with people? i had to realise that there’s quite a big gap between understanding and accepting. and my understanding came from a place where i expected people to react to things the way i would or at least have a similar perspective. we know the saying, “you only meet people as deeply as you’ve met yourself” to be true right? another realisation was that if i had never met myself deeply enough to accept myself, how could i expect to accept someone else? the key is to tolerate differences with generosity. it’s the same in love. have you ever understood why they tell you to love yourself first? how can we expect to receive a love we’ve denied ourselves? till now i had been looking for someone to pour in to me, when i hadn’t poured in to myself.
2016 answered these questions and then some for me. the answer had been “you” all along. i had to put in the work then people and things begun to slowly show up for me. i had to become present in my energy to attract the peace, joy and love i sought. i had to see life as positive and amazing as i truly think it is. its hard to believe sometimes but life really can be as fulfilling as you want it to be, but you are the answer.